daniel jack

A WOLUD BE PET

2008-05-06T07:09:52+02:00

I'd like to be an animal,
Looked after by a vet.
And live a life of luxury
As someones pampered pet.

Maybe I'd be a little bird,
Residing on my perch.
I'd always be so well behaved,
And often go to church.

Maybe I'd be a little frog,
In my own heated pool.
With lots of squirmy tadpoles
Who would learn in froggy school.

Maybe I'd be a little cat,
And pedicure my paws.
And brush my fur, and floss my teeth,
Whilst varnisning my claws.

Maybe I'd be a little fish,
And circle round my bowl.
My comfy, fishy life would be
Relaxing, on the whole.

Maybe I'd be a little mouse,
And gorge mysrelf on cheese.
Then waddle round the house all day
Too full to even sneeze.

Maybe I'd be a little dog,
I'd sleep most of each day.
From time to time, I'd up and bark,
To keep riff raff away.

Maybe I'd be a little snake,
Not long, but very thin.
So you could make a handbag
Every time I shed my skin.

I'd like to be an animal,
Be, someones pampered pet.
Cos life as homo sapiens
I haven't mastered yet.

Comments

THE SUMBARINER

2008-05-03T08:12:43+02:00

I served as a submariner,
In underwater crew.
But when you're in a submarine,
You can't enjoy the view.

In fact there often isn't one
And when you're deep below,
It's difficult to notice if
There's wind or rain or snow.

Now submarines are nuclear
And sail we know not where,
You can't take out a map and say,
Last Tueusday, we were there.

Their voyages last many months
Of claustrophobic Hell,
Imagine all those feet and pits,
The cumulative smell.

The front door doesn't open when
You're underneath the waves.
Cos if it did, the crew would soon
Be washed to watery graves.

You stealth around for months on end,
Top secret, Mums the word.
The Russians? well they've all gone home,
A while ago they heard,

The Cold War ended years ago,
There's no one left to fight.
Perhaps we're floating aimlessly
Around the Isle of Wight.

Yes, maybe that's just where we are,
But then we'd never know.
Because of lack of windows,
We're quite clueless where we go.

I served as a submariner
In underwater crew.
The one thing you can guarantee,
You won't enjoy the view.

Comments

title-4122481

2008-05-02T13:27:33+02:00

Once upon a time,
When myself was in my prime,
I could do so many things I can't do now.
But now years have hurried by,
All I do is sit and cry,
Over things I just can't do, but do know how.

Comments

VAPOUR TRAILS

2008-04-30T06:48:11+02:00

Vapour trails that scar the sky,
Icy patterns way up high.
Marking movement plane by plane,
Cant be seen when we have rain.

Comments

MY VINE

2008-04-29T08:40:21+02:00

This morning at quarter past nine,
I opened two bottles of wine.
At twenty to one,
The wine was all gone,
I really should plant my own vine!!!

Comments

THE RUNAWAY BUS

2008-04-28T07:05:38+02:00

We almost were killed,
I wasn't too thrilled,
The incident put me in shock.
A runaway bus
Ran right into us,
It was running completely amok.

It veered to the right
Then went out of sight,
O'er the crest of a very steep hill.
Shot right through the town,
Without slowing down,
Creating one hell of a bill.

And then came the splash,
The Almighty crash,
As the bus came to rest in the lake.
The driver said "Wow,
I'm resigning right now,
That bus didn't have any brake.

Comments

I'M FULL TO THE BRIM

2008-04-25T10:41:21+02:00

On the day of my creation,
I contracted constipation.
Been like that my whole life through,
Never have I used a loo.

Comments

A LONELY MAN

2008-04-24T08:12:28+02:00

I went to a funeral,
A colleague had died.
Not too many liked him,
So nobody cried.

In fact, to be brutal,
At time of inter,
Myself, me, yours truly
Was the only one there.

The vicar said "Blimey,
Did he have no mates,
Or is there confusion
Regarding the date?

Can't wait, in a hurry,
I need to get on,
Let's hope all his family
Don't come when we've gone."

Comments

BREEDING LIKE RABBITS

2008-04-16T09:43:30+02:00

I had a little rabbit,
I kept him in a hutch.
He spent forever sleeping,
Life wasn't up to much.

Last month I hit the pet shop,
To buy my buck a mate.
I checked the hutch this morning,
And counted twenty eight!!!

Comments

MISSING MAIL

2008-04-10T10:11:23+02:00

I sent some letters through the mail,
I can't remember when.
Cos since I dropped them in the box,
They've not been seen again

Comments

FOOTBALLERS LAMENT

2008-04-09T06:23:32+02:00

I've had my fill
Of getting nil
And losing every game.
We used to score
A goal or more,
But now things aren't the same.

Weeks since we've scored
The fans are bored
Our atrikers face the sack.
And every week
More goals we leak
We're hopeless at the back.

We can't attract
The stands aren't packed
Statistics have revealed,
Last game, I guess,
The crowd was less
Than players on the field.

Results are bad,
The worst we've had,
We're stuck in bottom place.
So, much maligned,
We've all resigned,
To lessen the disgrace.

Comments

MY LEAKY SHOE

2008-04-08T07:25:21+02:00

I don't know what to do
About my leaky shoe.
I'll mend it by and by,
Till then I hope it's dry

Comments

HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE

2008-04-07T13:13:16+02:00

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat did a piddle
All overthe kitchen floor.
Boy how we laughed,
To see such fun,
So the cat went and piddled some more

Comments

MY MOBILE PHONE

2008-04-04T06:04:23+02:00

My mobile phone,
I'm ne'er alone,
Wherever I may go.
My spirit falls,
When someone calls,
It does annoy me so.

Comments

GLOW WORM

2008-04-03T06:57:11+02:00

I'd like to be a glow worm,
Cos glow worms don't do glum.
You never can be grumpy,
When the Sun shines out your bum

Comments

THE TAX MAN

2008-04-02T06:44:31+02:00

April brings the Tax Man
Knocking at my door.
Sends me his "Assessment"
Chills me to the core.
All year long I work hard,
Doing what I can.
Then comes retribution,
From this spiteful man.
Still I know deep down that,
I will have to pay.
Doesn't make it easy,
Come the fateful day.

Comments

TIME

2008-04-01T06:23:22+02:00

Time, like steam, you cannot hold,
Through the years our lives unfold.
Ever quicker psssing by,
Ever stop to ponder why,
Though they're sound of limb and lung,
Life is wasted on the young?

Comments

MY FAVOURITE SNACK

2008-03-28T07:17:24+01:00

The snack I love the most?
Crisp bacon, served with toast.
Brown sauce enhances taste,
There's never any waste.

Comments

FORMULA ONE

2008-03-27T07:20:53+01:00

Watch Formula One,
You blinked, they've gone.

No crash first bend,
My interest ends.

Cos after that,
It's all so flat.

Boredom begins,
Who cares who wins.

Comments

THE GRAPE

2008-03-26T10:36:50+01:00

This morning at quarter to nine,
I opened a bottle of wine.
At quarter past ten,
I did it again,
By lunchtime, my life was just fine.

Comments

THE SENSES

2008-03-19T07:09:17+01:00

Without my eyes, I wouldn't see,
Without my ears, deaf would I be.
Without my nose, I couldn't smell,
Without my tongue, no taste as well.
Without my skin, I'd have no touch,
Without all senses, nothing much.

Comments

SWIMMING

2008-03-18T06:59:02+01:00

Whilst swimming at the pool,
Occurred this circumstance.
I dived, looked such a fool,
On surfacing, less pants.

Comments

title-3893020

2008-03-17T07:28:00+01:00

I thought I'd pen a poem,
Explaining how I feel.
These next few lines will show you,
Why I'm so down at heel.

My hearings failing badly,
My eyesights waning too.
My pulse is getting weaker,
There's little I can do.

My life is ebbing quickly,
All hope I fear is gone.
It all seems somewhat sudden,
As I'm only twenty one.

Comments

BEER

2008-03-14T07:51:29+01:00

I used to overdose on beer,
And then fall over, feeling queer.
And then drive from the pub to here,
Finding it difficult to steer.

Comments

INFLATION

2008-03-13T07:08:30+01:00

When I was just a little boy,
Gents toilets were all free.
I needed one the other day,
It cost me 20p

Comments

MARRIAGE

2008-03-12T07:05:46+01:00

"Do you love me?" "Yes I do"
"Lets get married, just we two".
Sweet words uttered in loves course,
These days just portend divorce

Comments

WORKERS LAMENT

2008-03-11T07:13:04+01:00

I work all day,
For little pay,
Don't really have a goal.
I've had my fill,
For good or ill,
I'm going on the Dole

Comments

WASTE NOT WANT NOT

2008-03-10T07:07:08+01:00

"Waste food? Some day you'll rue it."
My mother used to say.
Sunday, roast joint, its dripping,
She'd use another day.

The bones she'd put to stockpot
The dog would get them third.
It wasn't called recycling,
Frugality the word.

Comments

MY PETS

2008-03-07T08:05:47+01:00

My pet rabbit
Has a habit,
Likes to pick his nose.
My pet spiders'
Sockings hide her
Multitude of toes.

My pet donkeys
Very wonkey
When he tries to stand.
My pet goat
Will clear his throat,
And sing, from opera grand

Comments

FLAT TOAD

2008-03-06T09:40:31+01:00

Big knobbly toad,
Crossing the road.
Soon to expire
Under a tyre.

Sickening splat,
Knobbly toad's flat
Horrid his fate,
Widowed his mate.

Comments