daniel jack

Vapour trails that scar the sky,
Icy patterns way up high.
Marking movement plane by plane,
Cant be seen when we have rain.

This morning at quarter past nine,
I opened two bottles of wine.
At twenty to one,
The wine was all gone,
I really should plant my own vine!!!

We almost were killed,
I wasn't too thrilled,
The incident put me in shock.
A runaway bus
Ran right into us,
It was running completely amok.

It veered to the right
Then went out of sight,
O'er the crest of a very steep hill.
Shot right through the town,
Without slowing down,
Creating one hell of a bill.

And then came the splash,
The Almighty crash,
As the bus came to rest in the lake.
The driver said "Wow,
I'm resigning right now,
That bus didn't have any brake.

On the day of my creation,
I contracted constipation.
Been like that my whole life through,
Never have I used a loo.

I went to a funeral,
A colleague had died.
Not too many liked him,
So nobody cried.

In fact, to be brutal,
At time of inter,
Myself, me, yours truly
Was the only one there.

The vicar said "Blimey,
Did he have no mates,
Or is there confusion
Regarding the date?

Can't wait, in a hurry,
I need to get on,
Let's hope all his family
Don't come when we've gone."

I had a little rabbit,
I kept him in a hutch.
He spent forever sleeping,
Life wasn't up to much.

Last month I hit the pet shop,
To buy my buck a mate.
I checked the hutch this morning,
And counted twenty eight!!!

I sent some letters through the mail,
I can't remember when.
Cos since I dropped them in the box,
They've not been seen again

I've had my fill
Of getting nil
And losing every game.
We used to score
A goal or more,
But now things aren't the same.

Weeks since we've scored
The fans are bored
Our atrikers face the sack.
And every week
More goals we leak
We're hopeless at the back.

We can't attract
The stands aren't packed
Statistics have revealed,
Last game, I guess,
The crowd was less
Than players on the field.

Results are bad,
The worst we've had,
We're stuck in bottom place.
So, much maligned,
We've all resigned,
To lessen the disgrace.

I don't know what to do
About my leaky shoe.
I'll mend it by and by,
Till then I hope it's dry

Hey diddle diddle,
The cat did a piddle
All overthe kitchen floor.
Boy how we laughed,
To see such fun,
So the cat went and piddled some more

My mobile phone,
I'm ne'er alone,
Wherever I may go.
My spirit falls,
When someone calls,
It does annoy me so.

I'd like to be a glow worm,
Cos glow worms don't do glum.
You never can be grumpy,
When the Sun shines out your bum

April brings the Tax Man
Knocking at my door.
Sends me his "Assessment"
Chills me to the core.
All year long I work hard,
Doing what I can.
Then comes retribution,
From this spiteful man.
Still I know deep down that,
I will have to pay.
Doesn't make it easy,
Come the fateful day.

Time, like steam, you cannot hold,
Through the years our lives unfold.
Ever quicker psssing by,
Ever stop to ponder why,
Though they're sound of limb and lung,
Life is wasted on the young?