daniel jack

A sweet little grey haired old Gran,
Went shopping, potatoes her plan.
"5 pounds please" she said
"We do kilos instead"
"Then 5 pounds of kilos young man!"

A poet wrote limericks for fun,
And churned them out twenty a day.
The problem he had,
Was they weren't very good,
He could never quite get them to rhyme.

A pretty young widow named Jill,
Had plotted her husband to kill.
She'd thought the amount
Stashed in his bank account,
Would be best left to her in his will.

A naive young robber named Frank,
Attempted to hold up a bank.
But his quick getaway
Fell in great disarray,
When there wasn't a cab on the rank.

An old English sheep dog, Louise.
Is home to a few million fleas.
When she gives a cough,
Tens of thousands fly off,
So please Louise, don't ever sneeze.

A clumsy wee oarsman from Fife,
Cut off his left arm with a knife.
When rowing he found,
He went round and round
In circles the rest of his life.

A duck one day went in a pub,
Said, "Landlord fetch me ale and grub,
I'm hungry, thirsty, quickly please,
This hunger and this thirst appease.

The landlord thought, "A talking duck,
I really can't believe my luck.
A duck that talks, and doesn't quack,
I'll sign him up, we'll make a stack."

The duck was signed, told jokes and sang,
His first night went off with a bang.
The audience gave wild applause,
What happened next, was sad, because,

A fire broke out, our duck got caught,
Got burned alive, a horrid thought.
Now only memories remain,
Of entertaining duck refrains.

'Twas awfully sad, our ducks demise,
Our chagrin we could not disguise.
"To absent friends", is now the toast,
Our duck, an unexpected roast.

A man in a boat,
Fell out, didn't float.
So started to sink,
What next do you think?
He ran out of breath,
Which hastened his death.