The first time I died,
Not one person cried,
Not even my wife or my kids.
So I took a deep breath,
And cancelled my death,
Served them right, cos they thought they'd got rid
The next time I went,
I had no intent
Of ending my life on this Earth.
When I got to the Gate
I said "Why, Peter Mate?"
He said, "O k., I'll book a re-birth.
During death number 3
Hosts of Angels I see,
As the life in my body expires.
But I turn right back round,
When assailed by their sound,
Cos I'm no fan of heavenly choirs.
After death number 4
I'm laid out on the floor,
By the guy with the measuring tape.
To his shock and surprise,
I then opened my eyes,
And proceeded to make my escape.
Before death number 5,
I was barely alive.
But hung on for a number of days.
It was when someone said,
"Hey, your ma in law's dead"
I said "Well if she's going, I'll stay"
On approaching death 6
I got into a fix,
And was felled by an unknown disease.
My morale greatly dropped,
When my hearts beating stopped,
But I came round again by degrees.
During death number 7,
I was odds on for Heaven,
But refused, using devious means.
I had no wish to go,
Whether up, or below,
As I started to feel full of beans.
So to death number 8,
I arrived, but too late,
The Grim Reaper had already gone.
This time I was ready,
But took things quite steady,
My life will just have to go on.
Number nine, the last one,
(Even cats have now gone)
When I finally went, I was brave.
But still nobody cried,
Even though I HAD died
And genuinely needed a grave.
